Mischief Managed

Top 5 ways to annoy people:

1. Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper.

2. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

3. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

4. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

5. Ask people what gender they are.

And some more:

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip..."

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

Speak only in a "robot" voice.

Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announcing its your property.

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

Name your dog "Dog".

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".

Reply to everything someone says with "That's what YOU think!"

Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid looking ignorant.

Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person".

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

To really annoy people, stand on a street corner, pointing a hair drier at passing traffic, and watch it slow down.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Take a sock puppet to dinner with you. When the waiter comes to ask you what you want, consult the sock. When the check comes argue with the sock loud enough so everyone can hear you about who will pay the bill, throw him down and say "Fine you pay!" then leave.

Top 18 Ways to Annoy Your Neighbors in Public Restrooms:

Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."

Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

Drop a marble and say, "Oh no! My glass eye!"

Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

Say, "Now how did that get there?"

Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"


Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."

Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"

Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."

Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.

Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross- Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".

50 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator:

1. Make race car noises when people get on and off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up dammit, all of you just SHUT UP!"
4. Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear your upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a Wet Willy?"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on."
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Burp, then say, "Mmmmm.....tasty!"
21. Meow occasionally.
22. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
23. Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
24. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
25. Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.
26. Holler, "Chutes away!!" whenever the elevator descends.
27. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
28. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers "through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Play the accordion.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say, "I wonder what all these do?" and then push ALL the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf??"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket a clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting bigger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH!"