Good 'ol Murph

An Abridged Collection of

MURPHY'S LAWS:

1. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
2. Everything takes longer than you think.
3. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
4. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
5. If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
6. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
7. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
8. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
9. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
10. Mother nature is a bitch.
11. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
12. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
13. Every solution breeds new problems.

Murphy's Law of Research:

Enough research will tend to support your theory.

Murphy's Law of Copiers:

The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.

Murphy's Law of the Open Road:

When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge.

Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics:

Things get worse under pressure.

The Murphy Philosophy:

Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.

Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws:

Everything goes wrong all at once.

Murphy's Constant:

Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value

And my favourite from

Murphy's Corollaries:

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

Murphy's Love Laws:

1. All the good ones are taken.
2. If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1)
3. The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
4. Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
5. The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
6. Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
7. The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.
8. Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
9. Nice guys(girls) finish last.
10. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
11. Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.

Situations:

You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
You get to work and find the news team and FBI waiting in your office.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city.
Your twin forgets your birthday.
You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
Your car payment, house payment, and girlfriend are three months overdue.
Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex.
Your check bounces.
You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
You compliment the boss' wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't wearing any.
You need one bathroom scale for each foot.
You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.
You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your new spouse.
Airline food starts to taste really good.
Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies.
You have to borrow from your VISA to pay off your MASTERCARD.
You realize that you have memorized the back of your cereal box.
Everyone loves your driver's license picture better than the real you.
Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.
The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.
Everyone is laughing but you.


credit: http://roso.epfl.ch/dm/murphy.html